Wake me up when September begins ..

So much is going on this month.

Labor Day is this coming weekend, that means an extra day off! My nieces and my daughter are coming to spend the weekend! Which is perfect because all of my friends will be at Bumbershoot so I will have something to occupy me. I am broke but I have plenty of crafty things for us to do , plus lots of parks to walk to. Too bad the libraries are all closed.



I will be seeing We Were Promised Jetpacks and Frightened Rabbit at Neumos on September 16th and then heading home to Billings, MT, the next day. Which is my niece, Madison's, 3rd birthday. My good friend, Megan, and her husband's wedding reception is on the 19th of September. They were married in April, private and small, and are now throwing a party for their friends and family. I can't wait to meet her daughter, June! Then spending the rest of the time squeezing in as many visits with people as possible and the last two days will be spent with my Mom and niece. I haven't been home for over a year. It will be nice to see everyone and, of course, take a few trips to Taco Johns for potato oles! :)



My Autumn online craft class starts on September 15th with the girls at Red Velvet Art!
Martha and I will be attending Miike Snow at Neumos!
At some point, I plan to record some vocals with the boys next door. I get to write my own lyrics. I am a little nervous. The only vocals I have ever recorded were for Jared and I just sang along to his vocals that were already recorded. It should be interesting .. and therapeutic.



I should be starting school by the end of September. I have some things to go over with my sister this weekend to determine where I can get the most bang for my governmentally funded buck. I think I may hold off on being a Phoenix for now.



All of the photos featured in this blog were taken at Volunteer Park on Saturday. I wish I had more than my iPhone with me, I had no idea there was a dahlia garden there. I plan to return sometime this week. Probably when the girls are here.

I am not normally a Summer person but this Summer has changed my life. I am a little sad that it went by so fast. But this can only mean that Autumn, my favorite of all seasons, can only be that much better.

I can't say it enough .. I am so fortunate and grateful for everything I have. Job, friends, family, animals, art, photography, MUSIC! I was meant to meet these people. Which means I was meant to be heart broken. It will only take time for it to stop hurting whenever I smile.

xoxo

Here's to second chances ..

I thought the blooming season for Dahlias had ended .. I was very pleasantly surprised walking out of my front door and finding this:





This reminds me that second chances are still possible. Second chances at a new start without you ..

xoxo

Poke

Poke at my iris, why can't I cry about this?
Maybe there is something that you know that I don't?

We adopt a brand new language, communicate through pursed lips,
You try not to put on any sexy clothes or graces.

I might never catch a mouse and present it in my mouth
To make you feel you're with someone who deserves to be with you.

But there's one thing we've got going and it's the only thing worth knowing.
It's got lots to do with magnets and the pull of the moon.

Why won't our love keel over as it chokes on a bone?
We can mourn its passing and then bury it in snow.

Or should we kick its cunt in and watch as it dies from bleeding.
If you don't want to be with me just say and I will go.

Well we can change our partners this is a progressive dance,
But remember it was me who dragged you up to the sweaty floor.

Well this has been a reel
I've got shin-splints and a stitch from weed(?)
But like a drunken night it's the best bits that are coloured in

Should look through some old photos I adored you in every one of those.
If someone took a picture of us now they'd need to be told that we had ever clung on tight and maybe not with arms at night.
I'd say she was his sister but she doesn't have his nose.

And now we're unrelated and rid of all the shit we hated,
But I hate when I feel like this and I never hated you.

sleepy puppa ..

I lose some of my old self a little each day but gain that which is new.

xo

You know what, Pam ..

I planned on just hanging out at home on Friday night to paint and craft and drink some wine but then my neighbors/friends invited me to go out with them. We walked all way down from 21st to 9th and back. Also, the way back is up hill most of the way. I was pretty well off by the time we walked home so I don't remember much. Just us walking and me playing MGMT on my iPhone so we had some sort of soundtrack. My legs are still killing me today. I am so out of shape.

Then Saturday morning, well noon time, I went to my Dad's in Everett and helped him pull out blackberry bushes. It was way easier then what I have previously experienced at an old apartmemt I managed because they had already been sprayed with weed killer so they were dead. Easy peasy. We ate and looked at art books and watched golf. Then had a really good talk. Later that night my Dad called me to tell me to stay strong. Good advice though I haven't been very good at being internelly strong as of late.

Then Saturday evening the afformentioned neighbors/friends had a barbecue/joint birthday. Mike and John. Really great guys. I am really happy to be getting to know them. They have also introduced me to some of their friends that are equally great. I laughed so hard that my sides hurt.

I am really looking forward to building on these relationships.

xoxo

New beginnings ..

I enrolled in school today.

Yup.

And I am a little freaked out only because I know myself too well. I need to commit to this. I have to commit to this. But I am proud of myself just for making the call, going to the campus, meeting with an advisor, and making the commitment.

I am going for a BA in Web Design and Development.

Really, the math is all I am worried about. I will have to choose two of three for my pre-requisite: calculus, statistics, or discrete mathematics. And I can barely spell either of them let alone figure them out.

For about the first year I will be taking pre-reqs, then the fun stuff. There is a lot more entailed then I expected but I have to do it. A degree is so much more then a certificate no matter what I decide to do. I wish I could have realized that when I was 22.

No regrets! Just looking forward to the future and being happy that I started when I did.

Wish me luck..

xoxo

Red Velvet Art Autumn online class!

Yes, it is still Summer but Autumn is just around the corner. Which I am so excited about. It is my favorite season!


This class is so perfect, 30 projects at $2 each. I am determined to do them all!

You can make your purchase here should you choose to partake.

I love this group of girls .. SO inspiring!

xoxo

Make-Over!

Of the blogging kind .. I am in the process of updating and adding and primping and beautifying .. I plan to use this more.

So bear with me ..

xoxo

These are confusing times ..

It has been really difficult for me to let go .. god knows how I've tried. I am only doing it to myself. I know that. But the neuro pathways have been formed and I don't know how to create new ones.

I don't know what my intention was in beginning this entry. My mind is now going in 12 different directions.

It has been over three weeks since I had any contact with him. In that last encounter, I screamed louder than I have in my entire life. I have yet to deal with the reason for it, I have to muster up all the courage I can on August 20th.

I want to call him, I want to text him, I want to email him. I want to yell and scream and tell him how much he hurt me and how much I hate him and then tell him how much I love him and beg him to come back. But neither of those scenarios will ever happen. I don't plan to speak to him anytime soon. If I can help it. I am actually pretty proud of the willpower I have had. Especially while drinking.

I have been trying my best to not express too much online with the thought that he just might read something and it will only feed his fucking ego.

My life will go on, my life is going on. I just have to learn how to go on without him on my mind. ALL THE TIME. I have to stop being afraid of running into him .. or worse, run into him with her. I can't even fathom how I would react to that.

I keep saying how I have amazing, tremendous people in my life. And they have helped me so much. (I cannot express enough how much I love Ellen) Now I even have someone new. A brand new friend of which I can have brand new adventures. He has already exposed me to new things that I am so excited about. I hope I can do the same for him.

This isn't over yet. There are more things I am needing to complete in order for this to be over once and for all. As cliche as it sounds, so I can get some closure.

Favorite new tv shows help. Spaced. It is so great but far too short. But seriously, a show where Simon Pegg preys to a poster of Buffy. Need I say more?

Anyway ..

xoxo

Full dance card ..

Busy, busy, week ..

Yesterday I went to the Andrew Wyeth exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum with my Dad. It has been a long time since I was in a musuem, too long. I love the openess of art museums. There were some other works that I really enjoyed, I tried to remember the names of some of the artists but now I can't recall. I got lost in some of the paintings. I felt like I could stay there for hours but we were on a time crunch due to parking. Maybe I will go back by myself with my iPod and take my time.

Tonight, Paul and I are going to the Jim Henson exhibit at EMP. I am really excited about this, I wanted to take Hailey to it but it is free tonight and he asked me so I enthusiastically said YES. I can always take her to it later.

So then I took Friday off, just because. It will allow me to not worry about the time tonight with Paul and Steve Serfazo and clan are in town from Billings for a wedding so I hope to spend some time with them tomorrow. It is supposed to be cloudy and rainy! Perfect Northwest weather! i love it.

I sort of want to attend the KEXP BBQ on Saturday but we'll see.

Then on Saturday night, Ellen and I are going to Econo Prom for Tracy's birthday. Dressing up in tacky dresses and going to a dance where you are actually allowed to drink! Sweet! I'm excited for a girls night. Watch for photos: flickr.com/doublegrr

Back to work.

xoxo

My life according to Jack White

Pick your Artist:
Jack White songs from The White Stripes, The Raconteurs, and The Dead Weather

Are you a male or female:
You're Pretty Good Looking For A Girl

Describe yourself:
You Don't Understand Me

How do you feel:
I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself 

Describe where you currently live:
St. James Infirmary Blues

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
Hotel Yorba

Your favorite form of transportation:
New Pony

Your best friend?
Consoler Of The Lonely

You and your best friends are:
It's True That We Love One Another

What's the weather like?
Yellow Sun

Favorite time of day:
In The Cold, Cold Night

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
It's My Fault For Being Famous

Your relationship:
A Martyr For My Love For You

What is life to you:
Wasting My Time

Your fear:
Walking With A Ghost

What is the best advice you have to give:
Truth Doesn't Make A Noise

Thought for the Day:
Stop Breaking Down

How I would like to die:
One More Cup Of Coffee (the lyrics say more than the title)

My soul's present condition:
The Hardest Button To Button

My motto:
Cash Grab Complications On The Matter

Slowly but surely ..

A piece here, a piece there .. it is all coming together. 

I really don't know where to begin .. I am not going to explain everything but just say that I am finally seeing a light at the end of this long, dreary tunnel. 

It was so hot today. Every part of my body where the skin isn't exposed is covered with a layer of sweat between it and whatever is over it. Clothing, other body parts, the couch, the floor, an animal, whatever I am knitting. Yes, I am knitting in the heat of July. I have to start stock piling for the winter so I can finally open my etsy shop. 

I am finally able to eat without being nauseated. Which in a way is a bummer, I was sort of saving money on food and I think I lost a couple of pounds. But I had to stop living in denial and started eating yogurt and drinking kombucha and now the tummy is back to normal. 

Why have I let it go this far? Why have I allowed myself to feel this way? It has consumed my every waking moment to the point where I was no longer making rational decisions. And I don't even know why. Was it out of love or possessiveness? 

At one point, I had made some wise crack about his new and improved life. He replied stating his life isn't new and improved. More recently I was thinking about what I had said and discovered that my life is new and improved and I have been too busy wallowing to even notice. 

I am very fortunate to have my job which I am very fluent at and am managed by someone that has much confidence in me. I live in a new, diverse neighborhood with fucking awesome neighbors (fucking awesome), as a result of said neighborhood I am MUCH closer to my friends and have been able to rebuild friendships and get to know them in ways I never realized I didn't know them (Love you, Ellen), I have been able to build bonds with people that I had none with and find out there really are people out there that care and want to help in times of need (i.e., Jack, Brandy, Nicole .. A-mazing people). I have been spending more time with my family, god, I love them. Including my Dad, which is crazy. I have great school opportunities and see the potential for lots of art and creating and photos .. The possibilities are endless. 

I know there is more, that is all that I could come up with off the top of my head. 

I was never dying .. But I'm gonna live. 

xoxo

Weekend .. Yay!

It is almost here .. I have just over two hours of work then I get to browse the toy section for a gift for my niece, Lily's, FIRST birthday! Hopefully the weather will hold out long enough to enjoy some Manchester State Park time.

Meanwhile, here are some etsy faves I found today:



This is from the shop of sophistikate, found here http://www.domestikate.etsy.com/

I love the vintage feel of it and the decoupage is adorable. I probably wouldn't use it as a purse, too bulky, maybe a jewelry case.



I heart this painting by Danna Ray (pronounced like banana). Her etsy store is here http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5318735

I really enjoy her paintings, the flow and the shading. Very nice.



This is one of many great pieces from Red Boots Design, here: http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5156242

I am really getting into screen printing and silkscreening. I look at stuff like this and am like, "Why didnt I make that?!"

Well, weekend here we come!

xoxo

Inspiration ..

This photo of Drew Barrymore from the May 2009 issue of Elle magazine is so inspiring. This is how I want to live life. Carefree, happy, beautiful, and fluently. When I turned to this page all I could do is gaze at it. I have always been drawn to Drew (look at me referring to her as if she were a good friend) just from her spirit and creativeness. She is truly beautiful. 

I can honestly say I have walked into a salon with a photo of Drew wanting my hair to be like hers. That was just over eight years ago. 

Anyway, the whole point is the photo. The idea for the shoot and how perfect of a subject they had. It's fantastic. 

xoxo

Have you seen the film 'My Date With Drew'? It's cute. Check it out. 

Gettin' mah shit together ..

This weekend .. 

1. Dentist .. eww

2. Venture with the puppa to the Capitol Hill Garage Sale

3. Paint the kitchen and possibly the bathroom. 

4. Do some more organizing. (I am still unpacking)

5. Make something pretty.

6. Get sewing machine out .. I can only learn by doing.

7. Update blog more and post pretty/amusing/intelligent/inspiring things. 

8. Get Father's Day things together.

9. Work out Saturday AND Sunday, not including walking the dog. 

10. Take camera on said walk(s). 

Muscle relaxers are kicking in. Must sleep now. 

xoxo

Set your phasers to sexy ..

FINALLY saw Star Trek this weekend .. it was a Mother's Day present to myself :) I know it has only been out for a few days but I have been waiting for this film for over a year and a half!

It was breathtaking .. I was almost in tears in the first five minutes. The acting was great, the visuals were great. I love how there were little things that only die hard fans would know and yet it is a good film to see if you have never watched Star Trek in your life.

I took my good friend, Ellen, which she had never seen any of the previous films or series and half way through the movie she turned to me and said, "I totally want to watch everything else now."

I never thought I would be so proud to turn someone into a Trekkie!

xoxo

ps. Poor little Porthos .. :(

The Great Move of 2009

.. has commenced .. 

One day in and I am kinda freakin' out .. Three years in one apartment and I have one week to pack. 

The animals are restless .. wandering around the apartment wondering what the hell is going on. I bought Willow three new balls at the dollar store and that has helped entertain her for about 20 minutes. She keeps placing them underneath her bed and then attempts to dig a hole through the bed in order to get the ball. 

I keep finding stray puzzle pieces. Makes me think of him. Which I shouldn't. He has moved on and that is what I am doing. Why I was so determined to move, for change. I need it desperately. 

So, I have plenty of 5 hour energy drinks, diet pepsi, ramens, and twizzlers to fuel me and get me through this move. 

Check up on me, k, in case I have a heart attack and am on the floor, foaming at the mouth. 

xoxo

This was a very difficult shot to get .. am I showing too much skin? 

Boy, taking these photos REALLY makes me want to work out like every second. 

oh, and about the bruises on my back .. haha .. its from 'cupping' .. it is a chinese medicine practice. After the cupping my acupuncturist gave me an awesome massage .. just what I needed! Pammie ain't gettin' no lovin' anymore .. 

I am a touchy feely person and the most feely I have gotten in a long time are hugs from family and friends .. I need physical contact sometimes, ya know .. anyway, it was perfect.

At the moment, I am making a salad for the office potluck and plan to stay clear of anything made of macaroni.

Happy Wednesday!

xoxo

Remember ..

Borrowed from: http://shelbynycole.blogspot.com/

I need to remember this .. every second of ever day. 

xoxo

The Ice Is Getting Thinner

We're not the same, dear, as we used to be
The seasons have changed and so have we
There was little we could say and even less that we could do
To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you

We buried our love in the wintery grave
A lump in the snow was all that remained
But we stayed by its side, as the days turned to weeks
And the ice kept getting thinner with every word that we'd speak

When the spring arrived, we were taken by surprise
When the flows under our feet bled into the sea
And nothing was left for you and me

We're not the same dear and it seems to me
There's nowhere we can go with nothing underneath
Then it saddens me to say what we both knew was true
That the ice was getting thinner under me and you

The ice was getting thinner under me and you