Sunday, July 26, 2009

Slowly but surely ..

A piece here, a piece there .. it is all coming together. 

I really don't know where to begin .. I am not going to explain everything but just say that I am finally seeing a light at the end of this long, dreary tunnel. 

It was so hot today. Every part of my body where the skin isn't exposed is covered with a layer of sweat between it and whatever is over it. Clothing, other body parts, the couch, the floor, an animal, whatever I am knitting. Yes, I am knitting in the heat of July. I have to start stock piling for the winter so I can finally open my etsy shop. 

I am finally able to eat without being nauseated. Which in a way is a bummer, I was sort of saving money on food and I think I lost a couple of pounds. But I had to stop living in denial and started eating yogurt and drinking kombucha and now the tummy is back to normal. 

Why have I let it go this far? Why have I allowed myself to feel this way? It has consumed my every waking moment to the point where I was no longer making rational decisions. And I don't even know why. Was it out of love or possessiveness? 

At one point, I had made some wise crack about his new and improved life. He replied stating his life isn't new and improved. More recently I was thinking about what I had said and discovered that my life is new and improved and I have been too busy wallowing to even notice. 

I am very fortunate to have my job which I am very fluent at and am managed by someone that has much confidence in me. I live in a new, diverse neighborhood with fucking awesome neighbors (fucking awesome), as a result of said neighborhood I am MUCH closer to my friends and have been able to rebuild friendships and get to know them in ways I never realized I didn't know them (Love you, Ellen), I have been able to build bonds with people that I had none with and find out there really are people out there that care and want to help in times of need (i.e., Jack, Brandy, Nicole .. A-mazing people). I have been spending more time with my family, god, I love them. Including my Dad, which is crazy. I have great school opportunities and see the potential for lots of art and creating and photos .. The possibilities are endless. 

I know there is more, that is all that I could come up with off the top of my head. 

I was never dying .. But I'm gonna live. 


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