Monday, August 31, 2009

Wake me up when September begins ..

So much is going on this month.

Labor Day is this coming weekend, that means an extra day off! My nieces and my daughter are coming to spend the weekend! Which is perfect because all of my friends will be at Bumbershoot so I will have something to occupy me. I am broke but I have plenty of crafty things for us to do , plus lots of parks to walk to. Too bad the libraries are all closed.

I will be seeing We Were Promised Jetpacks and Frightened Rabbit at Neumos on September 16th and then heading home to Billings, MT, the next day. Which is my niece, Madison's, 3rd birthday. My good friend, Megan, and her husband's wedding reception is on the 19th of September. They were married in April, private and small, and are now throwing a party for their friends and family. I can't wait to meet her daughter, June! Then spending the rest of the time squeezing in as many visits with people as possible and the last two days will be spent with my Mom and niece. I haven't been home for over a year. It will be nice to see everyone and, of course, take a few trips to Taco Johns for potato oles! :)

My Autumn online craft class starts on September 15th with the girls at Red Velvet Art!
Martha and I will be attending Miike Snow at Neumos!
At some point, I plan to record some vocals with the boys next door. I get to write my own lyrics. I am a little nervous. The only vocals I have ever recorded were for Jared and I just sang along to his vocals that were already recorded. It should be interesting .. and therapeutic.

I should be starting school by the end of September. I have some things to go over with my sister this weekend to determine where I can get the most bang for my governmentally funded buck. I think I may hold off on being a Phoenix for now.

All of the photos featured in this blog were taken at Volunteer Park on Saturday. I wish I had more than my iPhone with me, I had no idea there was a dahlia garden there. I plan to return sometime this week. Probably when the girls are here.

I am not normally a Summer person but this Summer has changed my life. I am a little sad that it went by so fast. But this can only mean that Autumn, my favorite of all seasons, can only be that much better.

I can't say it enough .. I am so fortunate and grateful for everything I have. Job, friends, family, animals, art, photography, MUSIC! I was meant to meet these people. Which means I was meant to be heart broken. It will only take time for it to stop hurting whenever I smile.


Sunday, August 30, 2009

Here's to second chances ..

I thought the blooming season for Dahlias had ended .. I was very pleasantly surprised walking out of my front door and finding this:

I get get over this Dahlia ..

This is what I see out my front door ..

This reminds me that second chances are still possible. Second chances at a new start without you ..


Tuesday, August 25, 2009


Poke at my iris, why can't I cry about this?
Maybe there is something that you know that I don't?

We adopt a brand new language, communicate through pursed lips,
You try not to put on any sexy clothes or graces.

I might never catch a mouse and present it in my mouth
To make you feel you're with someone who deserves to be with you.

But there's one thing we've got going and it's the only thing worth knowing.
It's got lots to do with magnets and the pull of the moon.

Why won't our love keel over as it chokes on a bone?
We can mourn its passing and then bury it in snow.

Or should we kick its cunt in and watch as it dies from bleeding.
If you don't want to be with me just say and I will go.

Well we can change our partners this is a progressive dance,
But remember it was me who dragged you up to the sweaty floor.

Well this has been a reel
I've got shin-splints and a stitch from weed(?)
But like a drunken night it's the best bits that are coloured in

Should look through some old photos I adored you in every one of those.
If someone took a picture of us now they'd need to be told that we had ever clung on tight and maybe not with arms at night.
I'd say she was his sister but she doesn't have his nose.

And now we're unrelated and rid of all the shit we hated,
But I hate when I feel like this and I never hated you.

Friday, August 21, 2009

sleepy puppa ..

I lose some of my old self a little each day but gain that which is new.


Monday, August 17, 2009

You know what, Pam ..

I planned on just hanging out at home on Friday night to paint and craft and drink some wine but then my neighbors/friends invited me to go out with them. We walked all way down from 21st to 9th and back. Also, the way back is up hill most of the way. I was pretty well off by the time we walked home so I don't remember much. Just us walking and me playing MGMT on my iPhone so we had some sort of soundtrack. My legs are still killing me today. I am so out of shape.

Then Saturday morning, well noon time, I went to my Dad's in Everett and helped him pull out blackberry bushes. It was way easier then what I have previously experienced at an old apartmemt I managed because they had already been sprayed with weed killer so they were dead. Easy peasy. We ate and looked at art books and watched golf. Then had a really good talk. Later that night my Dad called me to tell me to stay strong. Good advice though I haven't been very good at being internelly strong as of late.

Then Saturday evening the afformentioned neighbors/friends had a barbecue/joint birthday. Mike and John. Really great guys. I am really happy to be getting to know them. They have also introduced me to some of their friends that are equally great. I laughed so hard that my sides hurt.

I am really looking forward to building on these relationships.


Wednesday, August 12, 2009

New beginnings ..

I enrolled in school today.


And I am a little freaked out only because I know myself too well. I need to commit to this. I have to commit to this. But I am proud of myself just for making the call, going to the campus, meeting with an advisor, and making the commitment.

I am going for a BA in Web Design and Development.

Really, the math is all I am worried about. I will have to choose two of three for my pre-requisite: calculus, statistics, or discrete mathematics. And I can barely spell either of them let alone figure them out.

For about the first year I will be taking pre-reqs, then the fun stuff. There is a lot more entailed then I expected but I have to do it. A degree is so much more then a certificate no matter what I decide to do. I wish I could have realized that when I was 22.

No regrets! Just looking forward to the future and being happy that I started when I did.

Wish me luck..


Red Velvet Art Autumn online class!

Yes, it is still Summer but Autumn is just around the corner. Which I am so excited about. It is my favorite season!

This class is so perfect, 30 projects at $2 each. I am determined to do them all!

You can make your purchase here should you choose to partake.

I love this group of girls .. SO inspiring!


Tuesday, August 11, 2009


Of the blogging kind .. I am in the process of updating and adding and primping and beautifying .. I plan to use this more.

So bear with me ..


Monday, August 10, 2009

These are confusing times ..

It has been really difficult for me to let go .. god knows how I've tried. I am only doing it to myself. I know that. But the neuro pathways have been formed and I don't know how to create new ones.

I don't know what my intention was in beginning this entry. My mind is now going in 12 different directions.

It has been over three weeks since I had any contact with him. In that last encounter, I screamed louder than I have in my entire life. I have yet to deal with the reason for it, I have to muster up all the courage I can on August 20th.

I want to call him, I want to text him, I want to email him. I want to yell and scream and tell him how much he hurt me and how much I hate him and then tell him how much I love him and beg him to come back. But neither of those scenarios will ever happen. I don't plan to speak to him anytime soon. If I can help it. I am actually pretty proud of the willpower I have had. Especially while drinking.

I have been trying my best to not express too much online with the thought that he just might read something and it will only feed his fucking ego.

My life will go on, my life is going on. I just have to learn how to go on without him on my mind. ALL THE TIME. I have to stop being afraid of running into him .. or worse, run into him with her. I can't even fathom how I would react to that.

I keep saying how I have amazing, tremendous people in my life. And they have helped me so much. (I cannot express enough how much I love Ellen) Now I even have someone new. A brand new friend of which I can have brand new adventures. He has already exposed me to new things that I am so excited about. I hope I can do the same for him.

This isn't over yet. There are more things I am needing to complete in order for this to be over once and for all. As cliche as it sounds, so I can get some closure.

Favorite new tv shows help. Spaced. It is so great but far too short. But seriously, a show where Simon Pegg preys to a poster of Buffy. Need I say more?

Anyway ..


Thursday, August 06, 2009

Full dance card ..

Busy, busy, week ..

Yesterday I went to the Andrew Wyeth exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum with my Dad. It has been a long time since I was in a musuem, too long. I love the openess of art museums. There were some other works that I really enjoyed, I tried to remember the names of some of the artists but now I can't recall. I got lost in some of the paintings. I felt like I could stay there for hours but we were on a time crunch due to parking. Maybe I will go back by myself with my iPod and take my time.

Tonight, Paul and I are going to the Jim Henson exhibit at EMP. I am really excited about this, I wanted to take Hailey to it but it is free tonight and he asked me so I enthusiastically said YES. I can always take her to it later.

So then I took Friday off, just because. It will allow me to not worry about the time tonight with Paul and Steve Serfazo and clan are in town from Billings for a wedding so I hope to spend some time with them tomorrow. It is supposed to be cloudy and rainy! Perfect Northwest weather! i love it.

I sort of want to attend the KEXP BBQ on Saturday but we'll see.

Then on Saturday night, Ellen and I are going to Econo Prom for Tracy's birthday. Dressing up in tacky dresses and going to a dance where you are actually allowed to drink! Sweet! I'm excited for a girls night. Watch for photos:

Back to work.