Friday, December 05, 2008

My Friday Attire

Friday 12.05.08 by Suskind

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Sunday Evening

The dreaded Sunday. It's quite common. Sunday evening has a bad rap (i know you know what i meant by rap but is that the correct spelling in this context?). 

It's the end of the weekend, things are winding down and you have to start thinking about the even more dreaded Monday. Is the laundry done? The i have lunches and dinners planned for the week? 

For me, Monday is the busiest day at work. 

Anyhoo, we were talking about Sunday. 

When i was growing up, i despised Sunday evening. Having to think about going to school the next day, the beginning of the week. A whole five more days till the weekend. 

Anymore, i reflect on what i did over the weekend. If i didnt accomplish anything i am regretful and feel i wasted the weekend. Sunday gives me regrets. I feel like i dont have any other chance redeem the wasted time. Sunday is an ending of sorts. 

But what if it was a new beginning. Yes, i know Monday is the beginning but what if i looked at it more like a fresh start. I get to hit the reset button. Start all over. 

Sunday evening i can think of all my new beginnings for the week. 

I am not going to dread going to work. 
I am going to give myself something to look forward to. 
I will work out as much as possible. 
I will drink more water everyday. 
I will work on something crafty everyday, even if its only for ten minutes. 
I will call a friend this week. 
I will call my mother. 
I will write a letter to my brother. 
I will try harder to take the dog for a walk. 
I won't lose my temper. 
I will get back into cooking (i have been really lazy).
I will clean the house for at least ten minutes everyday. 
I am going to study more. 
Then next weekend, I am not going to drink so much to cause myself to have regrets about my weekend. 


That's a good start. 


Monday, November 03, 2008

Real Change

We hope. 

Well, the election is tomorrow. As the procrastinator that i am i haven't turned in my absentee ballot yet. Luckily, the Renton Court House that i drive by everyday is a drop off point. 

There has to be a change. There has to be. Our country can't go on like this. We need real change. 

Plus, i cant stand to see another political tv ad. It is, however, nice to see everyone on board. Well, most everyone. There have been tv shows working something to do with voting into their eps. Some to do with the presidential candidates and some that came up with their own reason to vote. 

Go Vote. Please. 


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Knittin' Fool

My toes are cold .. 

So here is a photo of me wearing my latest thrift store sweater creation. I bought this multi purple yarn at Value Village awhile ago, i would almost say last year maybe. I like to go to thrift stores, find sweaters that seem simple to pull apart, pull them apart, make them into several balls of yarn, then store them for months. Eventually, i take them out and make scarves or hats with them. 

I will usually mix them with other colors but this yarn had so many different shades of purple, that it was difficult to match anything with it. I am sort of anal that way. I gave it to my friend, Anthony, for his birthday. He loved it! :) 

Another friend of mine at work was also wearing a scarf i made for her birthday last winter and i got so many compliments that i got a holiday order! Six scarves and a hat! On top of that i have more Birthday and Christmas gifts planned! I am going to be a busy knitter this season. My fingers might fall off by the end of December. 

At least I'll be able to catch up on my Netflix queue. 


Sunday, October 19, 2008

You're there

I was sitting here, tired and a little depressed. I had decided to not go out to see my friends that had put on this Justin Timberlake cover night with some local Seattle bands. It usually happens that i regret it when i dont go to shows. I always plan on going and then i get really anxious and lazy and decide not to go. Then i regret it later. 

Sometimes when i am tired i feel like there isnt any point in it all. I think about how i dont want to put an effort into anything and all is hopeless. 

That was happening tonight. i thought i would be stuck at the same dead end job that i hate and never make anything of myself and never be happy. 

Then i had some caffeine and Cat Stevens told me,"Don't be shy, just let your feelings roll on by. Don't wear fear, or nobody will know you're there."

Then i got off my ass and went to the show. 

It was just Jared and Reese, Coco and his friend Tyler (i think that's his name). But it was fun. It was great to have a chance to talk to just Jared and Reese without everyone else around. Though, of course, i love everyone else. 

The band that played after Coco told him that he played too long, he was too loud, and he didnt know how to play music. He was genuinely upset about it, i guess. Coco just laughed in his face. Reese was afraid the guy was actually going to try to beat him up after the show. 

Their music was pretty shitty but if i were another musician playing with them, i wouldnt tell them. That's just tacky. 

So, if you are ever in Seattle and know of a band called Berkley Heights, tell them their jerks and their music sucks. He needs to stop singing like Fran Drescher. 


Friday, October 03, 2008

For the best ..

Most everyone has heard this time and time again .. but i am fairly certain that it is finally over .. Though it is something that we have talked about and attempted for a long time, i am still sad .. I have lost my best friend, i talk to him every day .. that's what will be the hardest part. And i look at the dog and know how much she loves him and that she will never see him again .. i am sure he is sad about that, too .. It's so hard to sit here and write this, though i know its all been my fault. I made my own choices knowing exactly what the consequences would be. He says i dont love him, otherwise i wouldnt have done the things i did .. that's not true. You always hurt the one you love. Wow, that's cliche. I do care deeply for him, i guess i just have some issues that i have to work out before i try this again. I am not making an excuse, i own up to every bad thing i did. He had decided to stay in spite of that and felt like shit every time he was near me. Now he has decided to leave. Which probably was the only way it would stick. After six fucking years.

So i stayed home today, mostly because my ears have been excruciating .. i spent the day cleaning, writing letters, reading, playing on the internet, making crafty things .. i bathed the dog .. and she just jumped on my lap, busting me in the nose causing it to bleed .. Nice going Willow ..

He says that he has a great support group of friends now that he is pleasantly surprised about .. he hasnt had many friends over the years so i am really happy for him, and a little envious as i have gone through spurts of being a recluse. I always plan on going to shows to see my friends but hours before my anxiety gets the best of me. The only way i am going to have lasting relationships with my friends is if i build them, if i make the effort. God, i need to move. That would help.

I am excited to say i am going out to the Olympic Peninsula tomorrow to see my family, finally, i havent been out there since June.

I think the thing that hurts the most is how dead on he is about me .. realizing my flaws and knowing how hard its going to be to correct them. But i will prevail. I hope.


ps. Isn't the Velvet Underground the perfect music for a rainy fall afternoon? I think so.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

here's to the future

Is it easier to know that a relationship is ending or have the break-up be a sudden surprise?

either way, its lousy. 

i just spent today and last night gathering the last of my belongings from Richard's apartment. clothing, toiletries, computer files, board games, dog dishes. Though i hated that apartment its close quarters, messiness, ants. i shed a tear when i left today. 

5 years. 

of love, of hate, of playing and fighting. laughter .. lots of laughter. 

on the way home i found the heat not as bad as yesterday and i was compelled to take the long, scenic drive home down hwy 99 .. i take that drive and have all these thoughts and feelings going through my mind. i always wish i had the time and a camera to be able to stop along the way and photograph the city. i contemplated stopping at the fremont sunday farmers market. i saw the cruise ships along elliot bay and remembered the documentary on the titanic i watched last and wondered whether they even compare the size of it .. i guess i could look it up.

so now is a time for self reflection. before i can love another i have to love myself. wow is that cliche. 

so tomorrow we will speed to Portland together to slide into our front row seats for Eddie Izzard and then part ways. 

i know i can live without him but its going to take some time to find my way. 

so i will be throwing myself in art, friends, workouts. maybe school. hopefully stop loathing my job. 

here's to the future.


Friday, June 06, 2008

Rain Rain Rain ..

It has been raining non-stop for a couple of days now .. typical spring weather .. i like it
Why bitch about the rain if you live in the Pacific Northwest .. i have always loved it.

I am finally on the mend. It's amazing how good feeling normal can be.

I have been feeling really artistic and inspired lately. I have been working on a few things at home. I love making things for the people i love. Personal things. So they know that i have paid attention.

I am LOVING the Scarlett Johansson album! Heart .. heart .. heart it! I love how sometimes i will listen to something and not really like that much and then find that the songs are stuck in my head and i HAVE to listen to it.

I am stuck at home this weekend. My car is being funny and i am broke till next Friday. Lots of time for artwork, films, and reading. Oh and cleaning my house as usual. There is still some clean-up from when i was sick.

Well, lunch is almost over. Daddy and Mommy are standing by. Must eat strawberries and blueberries fast.


Monday, June 02, 2008

Renewal and Sickness

Ugh! i have been sick for a week now. I am sick of being sick. i am at work holding on for dear life.

So, a long time has passed since i last wrote on this blog. A lot and nothing has gone on. I am proud to know after reviewing previous posts that i have been off meds for over a year. Kickboxing didnt hold for transportation and personal reasons. But i have started a new work out routine and have seen results in as little as two - three weeks. Even friends and family have noticed. But i have to get back into my routine as i havent been working out due to illness.

I have had some recent inspirations which make the outlook brighter. LOTS more to come.

Break is over.