Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Is it naive to think I could be any comfort?

What is it that causes connections between people? How do you meet a stranger and feel as if you've known them your whole life? How is it that you could reconnect with someone after years of seperation and with no word in between but feel as if not a day had gone by?

Why do we crave people? Crave companionship, long for partnership. And yet on the flip side, some of us don't. Some of us can live independently and not rely on anyone, but others are crippled by lonliness.

Human chemistry, behavior and emotions can truly be a mystery.

I often wish I could understand how my mind works. Why I long for certain people and not others. Why I can be curled in dispair one minute and as high as a cloud the next. Why and if I have fallen prey to my genetic predisposition to want a substance to feel comfortable and normal.

I don't believe that any one person can be completely free of regrets. Yes, our decisions have put us where we are today and made us who we are today but there has to be at least one tiny regret somewhere in those decisions. Maybe I don't believe it because I have too many regrets.

I regret saying yes ..
I regret saying no ..
I regret doing this ..
I regret doing that ..

I think I know what my number one regret is however and it is something that can be mended. Something I can change in the immediate future. Maybe I will need help, maybe I won't. Maybe I am naive in thinking I won't need help.

weathered ..

Wow, this went in a totally different direction than I had planned ..

ah well .. at least I don't regret where it went ..

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