My life according to Jack White

Pick your Artist:
Jack White songs from The White Stripes, The Raconteurs, and The Dead Weather

Are you a male or female:
You're Pretty Good Looking For A Girl

Describe yourself:
You Don't Understand Me

How do you feel:
I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself 

Describe where you currently live:
St. James Infirmary Blues

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
Hotel Yorba

Your favorite form of transportation:
New Pony

Your best friend?
Consoler Of The Lonely

You and your best friends are:
It's True That We Love One Another

What's the weather like?
Yellow Sun

Favorite time of day:
In The Cold, Cold Night

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
It's My Fault For Being Famous

Your relationship:
A Martyr For My Love For You

What is life to you:
Wasting My Time

Your fear:
Walking With A Ghost

What is the best advice you have to give:
Truth Doesn't Make A Noise

Thought for the Day:
Stop Breaking Down

How I would like to die:
One More Cup Of Coffee (the lyrics say more than the title)

My soul's present condition:
The Hardest Button To Button

My motto:
Cash Grab Complications On The Matter

Slowly but surely ..

A piece here, a piece there .. it is all coming together. 

I really don't know where to begin .. I am not going to explain everything but just say that I am finally seeing a light at the end of this long, dreary tunnel. 

It was so hot today. Every part of my body where the skin isn't exposed is covered with a layer of sweat between it and whatever is over it. Clothing, other body parts, the couch, the floor, an animal, whatever I am knitting. Yes, I am knitting in the heat of July. I have to start stock piling for the winter so I can finally open my etsy shop. 

I am finally able to eat without being nauseated. Which in a way is a bummer, I was sort of saving money on food and I think I lost a couple of pounds. But I had to stop living in denial and started eating yogurt and drinking kombucha and now the tummy is back to normal. 

Why have I let it go this far? Why have I allowed myself to feel this way? It has consumed my every waking moment to the point where I was no longer making rational decisions. And I don't even know why. Was it out of love or possessiveness? 

At one point, I had made some wise crack about his new and improved life. He replied stating his life isn't new and improved. More recently I was thinking about what I had said and discovered that my life is new and improved and I have been too busy wallowing to even notice. 

I am very fortunate to have my job which I am very fluent at and am managed by someone that has much confidence in me. I live in a new, diverse neighborhood with fucking awesome neighbors (fucking awesome), as a result of said neighborhood I am MUCH closer to my friends and have been able to rebuild friendships and get to know them in ways I never realized I didn't know them (Love you, Ellen), I have been able to build bonds with people that I had none with and find out there really are people out there that care and want to help in times of need (i.e., Jack, Brandy, Nicole .. A-mazing people). I have been spending more time with my family, god, I love them. Including my Dad, which is crazy. I have great school opportunities and see the potential for lots of art and creating and photos .. The possibilities are endless. 

I know there is more, that is all that I could come up with off the top of my head. 

I was never dying .. But I'm gonna live. 

xoxo

Weekend .. Yay!

It is almost here .. I have just over two hours of work then I get to browse the toy section for a gift for my niece, Lily's, FIRST birthday! Hopefully the weather will hold out long enough to enjoy some Manchester State Park time.

Meanwhile, here are some etsy faves I found today:



This is from the shop of sophistikate, found here http://www.domestikate.etsy.com/

I love the vintage feel of it and the decoupage is adorable. I probably wouldn't use it as a purse, too bulky, maybe a jewelry case.



I heart this painting by Danna Ray (pronounced like banana). Her etsy store is here http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5318735

I really enjoy her paintings, the flow and the shading. Very nice.



This is one of many great pieces from Red Boots Design, here: http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5156242

I am really getting into screen printing and silkscreening. I look at stuff like this and am like, "Why didnt I make that?!"

Well, weekend here we come!

xoxo

Inspiration ..

This photo of Drew Barrymore from the May 2009 issue of Elle magazine is so inspiring. This is how I want to live life. Carefree, happy, beautiful, and fluently. When I turned to this page all I could do is gaze at it. I have always been drawn to Drew (look at me referring to her as if she were a good friend) just from her spirit and creativeness. She is truly beautiful. 

I can honestly say I have walked into a salon with a photo of Drew wanting my hair to be like hers. That was just over eight years ago. 

Anyway, the whole point is the photo. The idea for the shoot and how perfect of a subject they had. It's fantastic. 

xoxo

Have you seen the film 'My Date With Drew'? It's cute. Check it out. 

Gettin' mah shit together ..

This weekend .. 

1. Dentist .. eww

2. Venture with the puppa to the Capitol Hill Garage Sale

3. Paint the kitchen and possibly the bathroom. 

4. Do some more organizing. (I am still unpacking)

5. Make something pretty.

6. Get sewing machine out .. I can only learn by doing.

7. Update blog more and post pretty/amusing/intelligent/inspiring things. 

8. Get Father's Day things together.

9. Work out Saturday AND Sunday, not including walking the dog. 

10. Take camera on said walk(s). 

Muscle relaxers are kicking in. Must sleep now. 

xoxo

Set your phasers to sexy ..

FINALLY saw Star Trek this weekend .. it was a Mother's Day present to myself :) I know it has only been out for a few days but I have been waiting for this film for over a year and a half!

It was breathtaking .. I was almost in tears in the first five minutes. The acting was great, the visuals were great. I love how there were little things that only die hard fans would know and yet it is a good film to see if you have never watched Star Trek in your life.

I took my good friend, Ellen, which she had never seen any of the previous films or series and half way through the movie she turned to me and said, "I totally want to watch everything else now."

I never thought I would be so proud to turn someone into a Trekkie!

xoxo

ps. Poor little Porthos .. :(

The Great Move of 2009

.. has commenced .. 

One day in and I am kinda freakin' out .. Three years in one apartment and I have one week to pack. 

The animals are restless .. wandering around the apartment wondering what the hell is going on. I bought Willow three new balls at the dollar store and that has helped entertain her for about 20 minutes. She keeps placing them underneath her bed and then attempts to dig a hole through the bed in order to get the ball. 

I keep finding stray puzzle pieces. Makes me think of him. Which I shouldn't. He has moved on and that is what I am doing. Why I was so determined to move, for change. I need it desperately. 

So, I have plenty of 5 hour energy drinks, diet pepsi, ramens, and twizzlers to fuel me and get me through this move. 

Check up on me, k, in case I have a heart attack and am on the floor, foaming at the mouth. 

xoxo

This was a very difficult shot to get .. am I showing too much skin? 

Boy, taking these photos REALLY makes me want to work out like every second. 

oh, and about the bruises on my back .. haha .. its from 'cupping' .. it is a chinese medicine practice. After the cupping my acupuncturist gave me an awesome massage .. just what I needed! Pammie ain't gettin' no lovin' anymore .. 

I am a touchy feely person and the most feely I have gotten in a long time are hugs from family and friends .. I need physical contact sometimes, ya know .. anyway, it was perfect.

At the moment, I am making a salad for the office potluck and plan to stay clear of anything made of macaroni.

Happy Wednesday!

xoxo

Remember ..

Borrowed from: http://shelbynycole.blogspot.com/

I need to remember this .. every second of ever day. 

xoxo

The Ice Is Getting Thinner

We're not the same, dear, as we used to be
The seasons have changed and so have we
There was little we could say and even less that we could do
To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you

We buried our love in the wintery grave
A lump in the snow was all that remained
But we stayed by its side, as the days turned to weeks
And the ice kept getting thinner with every word that we'd speak

When the spring arrived, we were taken by surprise
When the flows under our feet bled into the sea
And nothing was left for you and me

We're not the same dear and it seems to me
There's nowhere we can go with nothing underneath
Then it saddens me to say what we both knew was true
That the ice was getting thinner under me and you

The ice was getting thinner under me and you

I don't care about clever, I don't care about funny ..

It's been awhile since I've posted here .. so here is an update ..

My back is killing me. It has for the past two weeks, actually waking me in the middle of the night. BUT! I have an appointment with the wonderful Elaina tomorrow for acupuncture! It's been about a year since I last saw her and I am almost more excited to see her then have a treatment. (haha .. "It's time for your treatment." ala Dollhouse)

For the past two weeks, at work, I have been off the phones and just printing and mailing itemized statements which is a fabulous way to spend the LAST TWO WEEKS IN THE CALL CENTER! Yay! Tomorrow is my last day, not including overtime on Saturday but that is only for four hours. I am moving upstairs to Insurance A/R, a department I have been a part of before but I will be under a different manager which is exciting.

I bought a new car two weeks ago. My ghetto fly is over and done for. It has served me well but I am tired of paying to fix it only to have it in the shop a month later. I bought a 2003 Honda Civic Hybrid! It is so nice! It actually has a CD player and working heat!

What else?

I will be heading out to Gig Harbor in a couple of weeks, my neice and nephew that live in Navada will be here for Spring Break and my sister has asked me to film their visit and take photos. Family photoshoot!

Man Plus has tons of show booked before their new album comes out. I have been wanting to have a photoshoot with them but schedules havent worked out. My show photos don't come out too well, I am not experienced enough and I think I need a new lens for low light photos. I need to take some classes. I know I have the heart and eye for photography it is just a matter of knowing how to use the equipment in order to capture what I see.

Well, I am off to my last one on one with my great supervisor that I will miss dearly.

xoxo

My Friday Attire

Friday 12.05.08 by Suskind

Sunday Evening

The dreaded Sunday. It's quite common. Sunday evening has a bad rap (i know you know what i meant by rap but is that the correct spelling in this context?). 

It's the end of the weekend, things are winding down and you have to start thinking about the even more dreaded Monday. Is the laundry done? The i have lunches and dinners planned for the week? 

For me, Monday is the busiest day at work. 

Anyhoo, we were talking about Sunday. 

When i was growing up, i despised Sunday evening. Having to think about going to school the next day, the beginning of the week. A whole five more days till the weekend. 

Anymore, i reflect on what i did over the weekend. If i didnt accomplish anything i am regretful and feel i wasted the weekend. Sunday gives me regrets. I feel like i dont have any other chance redeem the wasted time. Sunday is an ending of sorts. 

But what if it was a new beginning. Yes, i know Monday is the beginning but what if i looked at it more like a fresh start. I get to hit the reset button. Start all over. 

Sunday evening i can think of all my new beginnings for the week. 

I am not going to dread going to work. 

I am going to give myself something to look forward to. 

I will work out as much as possible. 

I will drink more water everyday. 

I will work on something crafty everyday, even if its only for ten minutes. 

I will call a friend this week. 

I will call my mother. 

I will write a letter to my brother. 

I will try harder to take the dog for a walk. 

I won't lose my temper. 

I will get back into cooking (i have been really lazy).

I will clean the house for at least ten minutes everyday. 

I am going to study more. 

Then next weekend, I am not going to drink so much to cause myself to have regrets about my weekend. 

:)

That's a good start. 

xoxo

Real Change

We hope. 

Well, the election is tomorrow. As the procrastinator that i am i haven't turned in my absentee ballot yet. Luckily, the Renton Court House that i drive by everyday is a drop off point. 

There has to be a change. There has to be. Our country can't go on like this. We need real change. 

Plus, i cant stand to see another political tv ad. It is, however, nice to see everyone on board. Well, most everyone. There have been tv shows working something to do with voting into their eps. Some to do with the presidential candidates and some that came up with their own reason to vote. 

Go Vote. Please. 

xoxo

Knittin' Fool

My toes are cold .. 

So here is a photo of me wearing my latest thrift store sweater creation. I bought this multi purple yarn at Value Village awhile ago, i would almost say last year maybe. I like to go to thrift stores, find sweaters that seem simple to pull apart, pull them apart, make them into several balls of yarn, then store them for months. Eventually, i take them out and make scarves or hats with them. 

I will usually mix them with other colors but this yarn had so many different shades of purple, that it was difficult to match anything with it. I am sort of anal that way. I gave it to my friend, Anthony, for his birthday. He loved it! :) 

Another friend of mine at work was also wearing a scarf i made for her birthday last winter and i got so many compliments that i got a holiday order! Six scarves and a hat! On top of that i have more Birthday and Christmas gifts planned! I am going to be a busy knitter this season. My fingers might fall off by the end of December. 

At least I'll be able to catch up on my Netflix queue. 

xoxo

You're there

I was sitting here, tired and a little depressed. I had decided to not go out to see my friends that had put on this Justin Timberlake cover night with some local Seattle bands. It usually happens that i regret it when i dont go to shows. I always plan on going and then i get really anxious and lazy and decide not to go. Then i regret it later. 

Sometimes when i am tired i feel like there isnt any point in it all. I think about how i dont want to put an effort into anything and all is hopeless. 

That was happening tonight. i thought i would be stuck at the same dead end job that i hate and never make anything of myself and never be happy. 

Then i had some caffeine and Cat Stevens told me,"Don't be shy, just let your feelings roll on by. Don't wear fear, or nobody will know you're there."

Then i got off my ass and went to the show. 

It was just Jared and Reese, Coco and his friend Tyler (i think that's his name). But it was fun. It was great to have a chance to talk to just Jared and Reese without everyone else around. Though, of course, i love everyone else. 

The band that played after Coco told him that he played too long, he was too loud, and he didnt know how to play music. He was genuinely upset about it, i guess. Coco just laughed in his face. Reese was afraid the guy was actually going to try to beat him up after the show. 

Their music was pretty shitty but if i were another musician playing with them, i wouldnt tell them. That's just tacky. 

So, if you are ever in Seattle and know of a band called Berkley Heights, tell them their jerks and their music sucks. He needs to stop singing like Fran Drescher. 

xoxo

For the best ..

Most everyone has heard this time and time again .. but i am fairly certain that it is finally over .. Though it is something that we have talked about and attempted for a long time, i am still sad .. I have lost my best friend, i talk to him every day .. that's what will be the hardest part. And i look at the dog and know how much she loves him and that she will never see him again .. i am sure he is sad about that, too .. It's so hard to sit here and write this, though i know its all been my fault. I made my own choices knowing exactly what the consequences would be. He says i dont love him, otherwise i wouldnt have done the things i did .. that's not true. You always hurt the one you love. Wow, that's cliche. I do care deeply for him, i guess i just have some issues that i have to work out before i try this again. I am not making an excuse, i own up to every bad thing i did. He had decided to stay in spite of that and felt like shit every time he was near me. Now he has decided to leave. Which probably was the only way it would stick. After six fucking years.

So i stayed home today, mostly because my ears have been excruciating .. i spent the day cleaning, writing letters, reading, playing on the internet, making crafty things .. i bathed the dog .. and she just jumped on my lap, busting me in the nose causing it to bleed .. Nice going Willow ..

He says that he has a great support group of friends now that he is pleasantly surprised about .. he hasnt had many friends over the years so i am really happy for him, and a little envious as i have gone through spurts of being a recluse. I always plan on going to shows to see my friends but hours before my anxiety gets the best of me. The only way i am going to have lasting relationships with my friends is if i build them, if i make the effort. God, i need to move. That would help.

I am excited to say i am going out to the Olympic Peninsula tomorrow to see my family, finally, i havent been out there since June.

I think the thing that hurts the most is how dead on he is about me .. realizing my flaws and knowing how hard its going to be to correct them. But i will prevail. I hope.

xoxo

ps. Isn't the Velvet Underground the perfect music for a rainy fall afternoon? I think so.

here's to the future

Is it easier to know that a relationship is ending or have the break-up be a sudden surprise?

either way, its lousy. 

i just spent today and last night gathering the last of my belongings from Richard's apartment. clothing, toiletries, computer files, board games, dog dishes. Though i hated that apartment its close quarters, messiness, ants. i shed a tear when i left today. 

5 years. 

of love, of hate, of playing and fighting. laughter .. lots of laughter. 

on the way home i found the heat not as bad as yesterday and i was compelled to take the long, scenic drive home down hwy 99 .. i take that drive and have all these thoughts and feelings going through my mind. i always wish i had the time and a camera to be able to stop along the way and photograph the city. i contemplated stopping at the fremont sunday farmers market. i saw the cruise ships along elliot bay and remembered the documentary on the titanic i watched last and wondered whether they even compare the size of it .. i guess i could look it up.

so now is a time for self reflection. before i can love another i have to love myself. wow is that cliche. 

so tomorrow we will speed to Portland together to slide into our front row seats for Eddie Izzard and then part ways. 

i know i can live without him but its going to take some time to find my way. 

so i will be throwing myself in art, friends, workouts. maybe school. hopefully stop loathing my job. 

here's to the future.

xo

Rain Rain Rain ..

It has been raining non-stop for a couple of days now .. typical spring weather .. i like it
Why bitch about the rain if you live in the Pacific Northwest .. i have always loved it.

I am finally on the mend. It's amazing how good feeling normal can be.

I have been feeling really artistic and inspired lately. I have been working on a few things at home. I love making things for the people i love. Personal things. So they know that i have paid attention.

I am LOVING the Scarlett Johansson album! Heart .. heart .. heart it! I love how sometimes i will listen to something and not really like that much and then find that the songs are stuck in my head and i HAVE to listen to it.

I am stuck at home this weekend. My car is being funny and i am broke till next Friday. Lots of time for artwork, films, and reading. Oh and cleaning my house as usual. There is still some clean-up from when i was sick.

Well, lunch is almost over. Daddy and Mommy are standing by. Must eat strawberries and blueberries fast.

xoxo

Renewal and Sickness

Ugh! i have been sick for a week now. I am sick of being sick. i am at work holding on for dear life.

So, a long time has passed since i last wrote on this blog. A lot and nothing has gone on. I am proud to know after reviewing previous posts that i have been off meds for over a year. Kickboxing didnt hold for transportation and personal reasons. But i have started a new work out routine and have seen results in as little as two - three weeks. Even friends and family have noticed. But i have to get back into my routine as i havent been working out due to illness.

I have had some recent inspirations which make the outlook brighter. LOTS more to come.

Break is over.

xoxo