Poke

Poke at my iris, why can't I cry about this?
Maybe there is something that you know that I don't?

We adopt a brand new language, communicate through pursed lips,
You try not to put on any sexy clothes or graces.

I might never catch a mouse and present it in my mouth
To make you feel you're with someone who deserves to be with you.

But there's one thing we've got going and it's the only thing worth knowing.
It's got lots to do with magnets and the pull of the moon.

Why won't our love keel over as it chokes on a bone?
We can mourn its passing and then bury it in snow.

Or should we kick its cunt in and watch as it dies from bleeding.
If you don't want to be with me just say and I will go.

Well we can change our partners this is a progressive dance,
But remember it was me who dragged you up to the sweaty floor.

Well this has been a reel
I've got shin-splints and a stitch from weed(?)
But like a drunken night it's the best bits that are coloured in

Should look through some old photos I adored you in every one of those.
If someone took a picture of us now they'd need to be told that we had ever clung on tight and maybe not with arms at night.
I'd say she was his sister but she doesn't have his nose.

And now we're unrelated and rid of all the shit we hated,
But I hate when I feel like this and I never hated you.

here's to the future

Is it easier to know that a relationship is ending or have the break-up be a sudden surprise?

either way, its lousy. 

i just spent today and last night gathering the last of my belongings from Richard's apartment. clothing, toiletries, computer files, board games, dog dishes. Though i hated that apartment its close quarters, messiness, ants. i shed a tear when i left today. 

5 years. 

of love, of hate, of playing and fighting. laughter .. lots of laughter. 

on the way home i found the heat not as bad as yesterday and i was compelled to take the long, scenic drive home down hwy 99 .. i take that drive and have all these thoughts and feelings going through my mind. i always wish i had the time and a camera to be able to stop along the way and photograph the city. i contemplated stopping at the fremont sunday farmers market. i saw the cruise ships along elliot bay and remembered the documentary on the titanic i watched last and wondered whether they even compare the size of it .. i guess i could look it up.

so now is a time for self reflection. before i can love another i have to love myself. wow is that cliche. 

so tomorrow we will speed to Portland together to slide into our front row seats for Eddie Izzard and then part ways. 

i know i can live without him but its going to take some time to find my way. 

so i will be throwing myself in art, friends, workouts. maybe school. hopefully stop loathing my job. 

here's to the future.

xo