here's to the future

Is it easier to know that a relationship is ending or have the break-up be a sudden surprise?

either way, its lousy. 

i just spent today and last night gathering the last of my belongings from Richard's apartment. clothing, toiletries, computer files, board games, dog dishes. Though i hated that apartment its close quarters, messiness, ants. i shed a tear when i left today. 

5 years. 

of love, of hate, of playing and fighting. laughter .. lots of laughter. 

on the way home i found the heat not as bad as yesterday and i was compelled to take the long, scenic drive home down hwy 99 .. i take that drive and have all these thoughts and feelings going through my mind. i always wish i had the time and a camera to be able to stop along the way and photograph the city. i contemplated stopping at the fremont sunday farmers market. i saw the cruise ships along elliot bay and remembered the documentary on the titanic i watched last and wondered whether they even compare the size of it .. i guess i could look it up.

so now is a time for self reflection. before i can love another i have to love myself. wow is that cliche. 

so tomorrow we will speed to Portland together to slide into our front row seats for Eddie Izzard and then part ways. 

i know i can live without him but its going to take some time to find my way. 

so i will be throwing myself in art, friends, workouts. maybe school. hopefully stop loathing my job. 

here's to the future.

xo