Knittin' Fool

My toes are cold .. 

So here is a photo of me wearing my latest thrift store sweater creation. I bought this multi purple yarn at Value Village awhile ago, i would almost say last year maybe. I like to go to thrift stores, find sweaters that seem simple to pull apart, pull them apart, make them into several balls of yarn, then store them for months. Eventually, i take them out and make scarves or hats with them. 

I will usually mix them with other colors but this yarn had so many different shades of purple, that it was difficult to match anything with it. I am sort of anal that way. I gave it to my friend, Anthony, for his birthday. He loved it! :) 

Another friend of mine at work was also wearing a scarf i made for her birthday last winter and i got so many compliments that i got a holiday order! Six scarves and a hat! On top of that i have more Birthday and Christmas gifts planned! I am going to be a busy knitter this season. My fingers might fall off by the end of December. 

At least I'll be able to catch up on my Netflix queue. 

xoxo

You're there

I was sitting here, tired and a little depressed. I had decided to not go out to see my friends that had put on this Justin Timberlake cover night with some local Seattle bands. It usually happens that i regret it when i dont go to shows. I always plan on going and then i get really anxious and lazy and decide not to go. Then i regret it later. 

Sometimes when i am tired i feel like there isnt any point in it all. I think about how i dont want to put an effort into anything and all is hopeless. 

That was happening tonight. i thought i would be stuck at the same dead end job that i hate and never make anything of myself and never be happy. 

Then i had some caffeine and Cat Stevens told me,"Don't be shy, just let your feelings roll on by. Don't wear fear, or nobody will know you're there."

Then i got off my ass and went to the show. 

It was just Jared and Reese, Coco and his friend Tyler (i think that's his name). But it was fun. It was great to have a chance to talk to just Jared and Reese without everyone else around. Though, of course, i love everyone else. 

The band that played after Coco told him that he played too long, he was too loud, and he didnt know how to play music. He was genuinely upset about it, i guess. Coco just laughed in his face. Reese was afraid the guy was actually going to try to beat him up after the show. 

Their music was pretty shitty but if i were another musician playing with them, i wouldnt tell them. That's just tacky. 

So, if you are ever in Seattle and know of a band called Berkley Heights, tell them their jerks and their music sucks. He needs to stop singing like Fran Drescher. 

xoxo

For the best ..

Most everyone has heard this time and time again .. but i am fairly certain that it is finally over .. Though it is something that we have talked about and attempted for a long time, i am still sad .. I have lost my best friend, i talk to him every day .. that's what will be the hardest part. And i look at the dog and know how much she loves him and that she will never see him again .. i am sure he is sad about that, too .. It's so hard to sit here and write this, though i know its all been my fault. I made my own choices knowing exactly what the consequences would be. He says i dont love him, otherwise i wouldnt have done the things i did .. that's not true. You always hurt the one you love. Wow, that's cliche. I do care deeply for him, i guess i just have some issues that i have to work out before i try this again. I am not making an excuse, i own up to every bad thing i did. He had decided to stay in spite of that and felt like shit every time he was near me. Now he has decided to leave. Which probably was the only way it would stick. After six fucking years.

So i stayed home today, mostly because my ears have been excruciating .. i spent the day cleaning, writing letters, reading, playing on the internet, making crafty things .. i bathed the dog .. and she just jumped on my lap, busting me in the nose causing it to bleed .. Nice going Willow ..

He says that he has a great support group of friends now that he is pleasantly surprised about .. he hasnt had many friends over the years so i am really happy for him, and a little envious as i have gone through spurts of being a recluse. I always plan on going to shows to see my friends but hours before my anxiety gets the best of me. The only way i am going to have lasting relationships with my friends is if i build them, if i make the effort. God, i need to move. That would help.

I am excited to say i am going out to the Olympic Peninsula tomorrow to see my family, finally, i havent been out there since June.

I think the thing that hurts the most is how dead on he is about me .. realizing my flaws and knowing how hard its going to be to correct them. But i will prevail. I hope.

xoxo

ps. Isn't the Velvet Underground the perfect music for a rainy fall afternoon? I think so.